[Andy McDandy]

What he means, I think, is that he can no longer do his Arfur Daley impression down his boozer by flashing his wad around while hogging the bar rail. Instead those young people are getting prioritised by ordering from their tables. He can't bung a tradesman some cash for a discount (much as he insists he'd never do that), or find a brass - sorry, dirty disgusting street whore - to fellate his flaccid cock for a fifty.

Also, he does that "what about the old people?" thing, missing out that we've had ATMs for 50 years, and swipe or contactless payments for getting on 20. That the stereotypical meek little mouse befuddled by all the flashing lights is rapidly disappearing. He may struggle with anything more complex than switching channels, but he's got a nerve thinking he's speaking for the masses.

Also, "Mask watch"? How long before mask wearers start getting targeted by twats and he disowns the gimmick?

[Youngian]

He probably heard this said in a 45 year old Euston drama. What a twat.

Call me old-fashioned, but I still like to keep track of what I'm spending. I also feel undressed without a wad of cash on the hip, the better for tipping cabbies and restaurant staff and having something to fall back on in case of emergencies.

[Boiler]

Also, he does that "what about the old people?" thing, missing out that we've had ATMs for 50 years, and swipe or contactless payments for getting on 20. That the stereotypical meek little mouse befuddled by all the flashing lights is rapidly disappearing.

My 91 year old aunt with her iPhone taking pictures of her garden and sending them to her children would mess with his head then.

She got the iPhone two years ago...

As for "Mask Watch" - living somewhere where over a million have died from Covid, he can get in the fucking sea. I do dread being singled out by gormless bores in SuperDry* for wearing one.

*h/t HMHB.

[davidjay]

One of the many areas of life that Dickie and the Mail have failed to grasp is that people are staying younger for longer. The old idea that forty is middle-aged and over-sixties live on a diet of malted milk biscuits and nice cups of tea while listening to Vera Lynn is a complete fallacy.

I'll disagree with Andy McD on one thing though - the Littlejohns love the idea of "How much for cash?" and telling the world about it. Like drinking after time and buying 200 fags off their brother's mate who does a Calais run every month, it's the sort of thing that makes them feel a bit of a geezer who everybody admires because, well, he's a lad innee?

[kreuzberger]

In May, Siouxsie Sioux will qualify for her bus pass.

[Andy McDandy]

Cunt lays into police, writes off an alleged serial sex pest as a bit of a laugh, and whines about Porridge and the Sweeney.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/arti ... -home.html

Littlecock, champion of traditional no nonsense policing, has this to say.

Kent is Brink's-Mat country, home to many of Britain's most celebrated armed robbers, who settled in the Garden of England after starting life in South East London, where they cut their teeth planning blaggings in the Frog & Nightgown at the Elephant and the famous Thomas A Becket boxing boozer on the Old Kent Road, where Henry Cooper used to train. So, given his background, you might assume Fotheringham would have some appreciation of frontline policing, unless he was one of the rural hop squad in Darling Buds Of May territory.

So, glorifying violent organised crime, and sneering at the "woodentops".

Oh yes, apparently a football club being sold to Islamophobes is no big deal because the fans are already pretty racist. And apparently he's never been a fan of capital punishment - at least not as part of a judicial process. Shooting brown people dead on the street he's fine and dandy with.

CUNT

[Youngian]

He can't even think up anything about Kent beyond TV stereotypes from the 80s. He's no Mark Steel* in the research department.

* Reference to Mark Steel's in town on R4. He tours around towns and makes the act about the town with unearthed facts and anecdotes. Its really good.

[Boiler]

He can't even think up anything about Kent beyond TV stereotypes from the 80s. He's no Mark Steel* in the research department.

* Reference to Mark Steel's in town on R4. He tours around towns and makes the act about the town with unearthed facts and anecdotes. Its really good.

That show of Steel's is criminally underrated.

[Andy McDandy]

His book on the French revolution is simply brilliant. Seen it on quite a few academic reading lists.

[satnav]

Littlejohn appears to be having a bit of selective memory loss when it comes to police officers working from home. When I was younger every local village had at least one police house where the local police officer lived. The system seemed to work very well back then, police pay wasn't great so subsidised housing helped to attract officers who tended to stay in place for quite sometime.

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailym ... -kids.html

Elf and safety gone mad, Channel 4 is all right on types, Meghan Markle can fuck off, and woe is me, I got a speeding ticket.

Cunt.

[Andy McDandy]

Ah yes, his rant about H&S was to do with people offering refugees from Ukraine accommodation. Why so many hoops to jump through, he asked.

Turns out that plenty of people offering space turn out to be either expecting cheap labour or sex in return. Single women are getting inundated with offers, many with "strings attached". I saw this coming. Christmas for pervs and pimps, and that's what Littledick thinks is the caahncil being killjoys.

Cunt.

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/arti ... sters.html

Covid isn't dangerous, NHS is mismanaged, better off going private, and then...

I repeat, doctors, nurses, orderlies and cleaners performed beyond the call of duty during the pandemic. But...

During the pandemic, doctors were content to hide behind their computers. And surgeries are still using Covid as an excuse for not returning to normal.

Ambulance services are allegedly so overstretched that emergency cases are having to make their own way to A&E.

Beleaguered NHS staff have been falling like flies ever since mass testing was scrapped and people were left to decide for themselves if they were well enough to go to work.

(Outside the public sector, this is widely known as 'throwing a sickie'.)

So there we are. One moment it's heroic doctors and nurses, the next they're a bunch of cowards and malingerers. And the guy reporting this, well, you can't trust him because he once worked for Tony Blair. Meanwhile look at the queen. She hasn't died of Covid so stop slacking.

Comments BTL make me contemplate suicide. Fuck 'em all, especially the chief Cunt.

[Boiler]

It's quite the service you do Andy, reading that anal leakage so we don't have to - but I say "don't", just for your own wellbeing.

We know there are a lot of self-centred, brain-dead scum out there: there's no need to remind ourselves.

As for Covid: well, a 45% increase in deaths over the last seven days. That can't be hidden by manipulation of the now-meaningless government "dashboard". It hasn't gone away just because our bought-and-paid-for Government wants it to be.

[Andy McDandy]

Appreciate it, but to a degree it is necessary because I think that of all the Mail's columnists, Littlejohn gets closest in attitude, language, awareness levels etc, to the "average" Mail reader. Stephen Glover and Peter Hitchens have their deliberately fogeyish and slightly outdated and over-formal pomposity. Robert Hardman and Tom Utley do their "basically decent old duffer bemused by these modern things" acts. Sarah Vine, Platell, Jan Moir etc are all variations on a theme - gossipy, a little bit You Go Girl but not too feminist except in a "Men, eh? What are they like?" way.

But Littlejohn gets closest to the typical reader. Not racist or sexist,m never thrown a brick through a window or gone on a BNP march, just not averse to a bit of racial or sexist ragging. Doesn't know much about stuff but knows what he likes. Invites Camp Dave on the office pub crawl, makes "backs to the wall" comments all night, but insists Dave stays because it shows he's OK with the queers and that they can take a joke as much as anyone. Suspicious of anyone in authority, unless it's a hard and imposing authority in which case he won't argue. Just wants to be left alone to live his life and wishes no active ill on anyone, just a low grade of apathy and dismissal of anyone else.

He doesn't always get it - especially on matters like the cost of living - but he is, I think, the best insight into what the average Mailite thinks.

[MisterMuncher]

Quirke wasn’t actually a bad man. He didn’t have the imagination. He dealt more in that sort of generalized low-grade unpleasantness which slightly tarnishes the soul of all who come into contact with it

[davidjay]

Good analysis, Andy. Littlejohn's world is one of definitely not racist but you can't say anything these days, hang nonces but some of them girls ask for it, law and order but the police spend too much time harassing innocent motorists, the law's too soft but a bit of hooky gear isn't real crime, the NHS is great but anyone who works in the public sector is idle given half the chance, the Tories are useless but Labour would be worse, I dont mind genuine refugees but most of them are here for the benefits. But. There's always a fucking but.

[RedSparrows]

The thing is, there usually IS a 'but' somewhere along the line, and that but can be justified.

E.g. 'I think it right that society punishes criminals in accordance with a philosophically-informed penal structure, but that's not to say I would advocate for what Socrates suggested when...'

The issue with Littlejohn is not that that 'but' is a qualifier for nuance or enlargening our moral scope. It's rather 'here's what I actually mean, and for one who tells it like it is, I'm a master at being insincere'.

[Andy McDandy]

He went through a period of saying "Now here's the bit where I'm legally obliged to say that the vast majority of Muslims are law abiding". That's not even paying lip service. It's saying "I hate them all but I don't want to be visited by Plod".

As said earlier in this thread, he will occasionally name someone, such as Gareth Pierce (both a Dopey Bird, and a Leftie Lawyer who not only represented some IRA types who probably deserved jail for something in his eyes, but also was played by arch-luvvie Emma Thompson) as representative of the enemy within, before hastily saying that of course Ms Pierce isn't personally to blame for everything because, you know, she's a hotshot lawyer and he doesn't want to be sued. A low level greasy cowardice and sniping from safety whenever possible.

[Rosvanian]

Years ago we got a bloke in to plaster over the artexing in the hall and stair well (ceiling and walls, an awful, messy , back-breaking job). This weary but chipper old geezer rocks up with freshly washed white bib and braces, fag in mouth, copy of the DM under his arm. After a while he took a break (brought his own flask) and we chatted for few minutes, not least about his amusement at Littlejohn's column in the paper that day. Here was the classic, hard working bloke lapping up a Tory paper and the digs about benefits cheats (I paid him cash in hand, of course), immigrants etc, all the usual bollocks about lesser people getting one over on the honest, eternally victimised, hard working man. Tapping into resentment that someone, somewhere is getting the better of YOU reader, is what has made Littlejohn a millionaire.