[Cyclist]

The list of candidates has been published, and what a mixed bag of Coronavirus fucknuggets, Brexit fuckwits, Alt-Right trolls and assorted loonies they are.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-60022967

I don't think the Tory candidate has much to worry about.

[Youngian]

You can only admire the scale of the Tory candidate's ambition

I want to make Southend on Sea the best seaside city in the country.

Jason Pilley of the Psychedelic Movement may look like an option but on closer inspection he's Paul Nuttal with a spliff. Should do well in Saahfend.

[Boiler]

So basically.... the Tory is the token leftie.

Got it.

[Andy McDandy]

You can only admire the scale of the Tory candidate's ambition

I want to make Southend on Sea the best seaside city in the country.

Jason Pilley of the Psychedelic Movement may look like an option but on closer inspection he's Paul Nuttal with a spliff. Should do well in Saahfend.

Which others are there? In England I clock Liverpool, Brighton, Hull, Portsmouth, Southampton, Chichester and Bristol. All of which rather beat Saarfend on population, location, culture, history, investment and more.

[Rosvanian]

How could you forget Sunderland?!

[Youngian]

Southend isn't a bad place to live and is thriving far more than some coastal towns. Great Yarmouth for example, they should be grateful any migrant wanted to come and live there.

[Bones McCoy]

You can only admire the scale of the Tory candidate's ambition

I want to make Southend on Sea the best seaside city in the country.

Jason Pilley of the Psychedelic Movement may look like an option but on closer inspection he's Paul Nuttal with a spliff. Should do well in Saahfend.

Which others are there? In England I clock Liverpool, Brighton, Hull, Portsmouth, Southampton, Chichester and Bristol. All of which rather beat Saarfend on population, location, culture, history, investment and more.

There's this lovely little bijou village down in Cornwall daaaahhhrling.

[Andy McDandy]

Truro? A good few miles from the sea.

[Nigredo]

Is it normal for half of the candidates on the ballot to be living nowhere near the constituency in question?

Jaydah has put address down as being in Northern Ireland

EDIT: Just seen this doozy from the English Democrat candidate

"It's simple," she says, "[you do] the same as you do with the Army. If you're trained, you're contracted for 10 years."

[Rosvanian]

It's the arrogance of these people that fascinates me. The UKIP bloke who thinks he knows about NHS finance, the English Democrat women and her nonsense about doctors. Just staggering.

[Malcolm Armsteen]

We do ourselves no favours if we don't stop to consider the level of intelligence of those we read about. Lack of is no longer a hindrance to political ambition.

[RedSparrows]

Truro? A good few miles from the sea.

Falmouth's alright from what I know.

[Andy McDandy]

Not a city though.

[Tubby Isaacs]

The list of candidates has been published, and what a mixed bag of Coronavirus fucknuggets, Brexit fuckwits, Alt-Right trolls and assorted loonies they are.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-60022967

I don't think the Tory candidate has much to worry about.

The turnout might be interesting. How many are going to show up for Spaffer at the moment?

[Youngian]

More important issue at stake here than party politics and that's showing fascists and Islamists you can't change electoral arithmeticthrough murder. If you lived in this constituency and noticed Harriet Hitler from the Nutter party winding people up about the Tories doing nothing about invading asylum seekers, you might have to do something that usually only happens playing fantasy politics parlour games; have a reason to go out and vote Tory. A first since that Kent by-election where Farage was nearly elected.

[mattomac]

I did the "how long can you last without rolling your eyes"

Only the Tory, the bloke from the Psychedelic Movement lasted more than a paragraph, Olga did but she has pulled out.

Plymouth is another sea side city by the way, in fact quite a few, Southend might be ok but it's got no chance.

[Bones McCoy]

I did the "how long can you last without rolling your eyes"

Only the Tory, the bloke from the Psychedelic Movement lasted more than a paragraph, Olga did but she has pulled out.

Plymouth is another sea side city by the way, in fact quite a few, Southend might be ok but it's got no chance.

Saafend's got a pier, and the Cliff's Pavilion.

[kreuzberger]

The Southend in Argyll is serviceable as wee coastal habitations go. You can see Ireland and the beach is, whilst tight, good for sailing in a west-south-west blow. The former art déco hotel, if it is even still there , was always an architectural highlight and there's a pub, just in land, which is nothing special but you can get oiled and eat pickled eggs.

I recall the one near London being awful. I think that I saw the England Germany game there in '74 but anyone who can confirm this is probably already and mercifully dead. It wasn't ideal. I'd imagine that there is a cockle or two to be had. Possibly, also a pickled egg and even a bag of Big D peanuts which would be pealed off a cardboard POS sheet to reveal a rack of improbable breasts.

No idea what they do with their oysters of yore. You used to be able to get the plump little chappies on the town dock in Dunkirk of a winter's Sunday morning. They were delicious with alternating doses of Mignonette and tabasco - a breakfast of kings or tzars, if you like, with a feisty snap of vodka or, most likely, the local tractor fuel known as Pekêt. (I think.)

I doubt that any of the candidates for Southend West would care to share that joy.

[mattomac]

I did the "how long can you last without rolling your eyes"

Only the Tory, the bloke from the Psychedelic Movement lasted more than a paragraph, Olga did but she has pulled out.

Plymouth is another sea side city by the way, in fact quite a few, Southend might be ok but it's got no chance.

Saafend's got a pier, and the Cliff's Pavilion.

I’m not slagging it off but it’s no Swansea

[Nigredo]

I doubt that any of the candidates for Southend West would care to share that joy.

Most of the fuckers don't live remotely near the constituency.