[Cyclist]

John Crace pulling no punches

The crucial part of any lie is that it must be believable. Not necessarily by everyone but by enough to create a margin of doubt, however small. It also helps if the lie feeds into the audience’s weakness by telling them what they want to hear.

No one knows this better than Boris Johnson. If he has a talent, it’s a talent for lying. And while it may have cost him countless relationships and friendships, it has taken him all the way to Downing Street. Put simply, he has become prime minister by lying better than all the other contenders for the job. But now he has run out of road and the lies have caught up with him. He’s the cartoon villain hopelessly spinning his legs before plunging into the abyss. Brexit has failed to deliver any of its promised rewards and inflation, at more than 5%, is far higher than wage growth. No matter how Boris tries to spin it, people are feeling more broke by the week.

Nor is the clown act working any more. Every comedian has their day and people no longer find him funny. He is the Man Without Qualities. The lies are no longer believable and the jokes are far too tired to paper over the cracks. Johnson’s japes about the parties not being parties and the rules being obeyed at all time (wink) lie face down, dead in the water. He has lost all trust, all credibility. His lies and cover-ups are an insult to all those who bothered to follow the regulations. Worst of all, he doesn’t even realise he’s the author of his own downfall. Inspector Clueless.

The Tory backbenchers were right to have no confidence in someone who consistently overpromised and couldn’t tell the truth about the parties in Downing Street – there’s almost been enough to fill an Advent calendar – but totally out of touch when it came to understanding the criticality of the Omicron pandemic. MPs who had no qualms about depriving people of their citizenship and limiting rights to protest now found wearing a mask a step too far.

Johnson was giving a Downing Street press conference in which he re-announced the booster campaign he had first announced on Sunday. Call it the Bertie Booster timelag. Though he still couldn’t quite explain why he hadn’t started the boosters weeks earlier or why the EU had been quicker to approve vaccines for 5- to 12-year-olds. Inevitably, he was asked whether this wasn’t all too little too late. “Not at all,” said Boris.

“Hang on,” said Chris Whitty, looking more and more like a haunted, overworked undertaker. His best advice was to sit tight, not go anywhere and do the exact opposite of anything the prime minister advised.

“Pifflepafflewifflewaffle,” jabbered the out-of-control bullshit generator. “The best thing is to carry on inviting as many people as possible to parties. Just don’t bother to turn up to them yourself.”

https://amp.theguardian.com/politics/20 ... of-trouble

[Boiler]

Crace again, this time aiming a well-deserved harpoon at Baker.

You can tell who the country trusts. People no longer look at Boris Johnson on TV and ask themselves why is this liar lying to me. They already know why. Boris lies because he knows no other way of interacting. Deceit is his default setting. It’s not just the past that is a foreign country; it’s also the present. Truth and Boris have never been on speaking terms. So when Chris Whitty and the prime minister hold a press conference together, there’s only one person to whom the country is listening.

All of this was too much for the increasingly unstable Steve Baker, who is turning into a one-man vigilante unit. On guard against anything halfway sensible. He wanted to know why “unelected” scientists, who actually know their subject, should be allowed to have a say in protecting the NHS. The people who should have the final say on public health were the politicians who were paid to make the wrong judgment calls. And if people died, they died. It was God’s way of punishing a decadent society that no longer trusted its own prime minister.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/20 ... ris-whitty

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/20 ... 1639662530

A long read, but worth it. Jonathan Freedland delivers a compressed history of Tory corruption over the last 30 years, and how the current bunch put Major's party in the shade, largely due to:

1. The rot starts from the top and spreads down, rather than in the 1990s where it was mainly grassroots MPs exploiting the system.

2. Rather than address failings, Johnson's instinct has been to either excuse them, or try to control any body that might try to hold him to account.

3. In some cases the issues are too big to properly contemplate. It's easier to picture an envelope full of used fivers from Al Fayed, than it is to imagine £400 million from Randox.

4. The majority of the media are still reluctant to put the boot into the Tories.

[Andy McDandy]

And look who's rushing into the ring to bring Johnson down with a flying suplex! It's Marina!

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... ip-contest

Speaking of canapés, the prime minister was this week still standing by his allegedly rule-breaking staff, defending them on the basis that they “have worked blindingly hard for a very long time in cooperation with people around the government and across the whole of the public services to do our very best to keep people safe”.

What self-pitying bollocks. Is there anything more pathetic than this idea that desk johnnies in Westminster work harder than anyone else in this country? Do me a favour. It’s not going down a mine, is it? It’s not evacuating people from Afghanistan. More to the point, it’s hardly working in an ICU. You don’t actually have to wash public service down with cheese and wine when no one else is allowed to. Honestly, they all want to be in the room where it happens, and when they are, they moan about the hours.

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... cron-no-10

Marina takes no prisoners today. Good point she makes is that 'that' party took place AFTER Barnard Castle became public knowledge, and these sneering poshos still didn't think things through.

[Malcolm Armsteen]

Peak Guardian bollocks.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... in-dalston

Sadly, the only cash I had on me was a sizable Scottish £10 note, having just got back from Glasgow, which I was reluctant to part with. Even the disguised Christ would probably consider such ostentatious generosity over the top, the work of a whited sepulchre. I’m not made of money, especially after two years of no live gigs and the cost of the resultant need to drink heavily in order to compensate for the withdrawal of the massed nightly adoration of strangers. Nonetheless, I didn’t see any way out of the increasingly awkward situation except to hand the money over, as I was wary of being judged as ungenerous by the other two people at the bus stop, who might also have been further manifestations of the Christ. Perhaps they were appearing together as the holy trinity: the father, the son and the babbling woman in the bobble hat?

[Andy McDandy]

I used to be a big fan of Stewart Lee, but increasingly he comes across as incredibly sophomore and convinced of his own genius. Performing for a crowd by telling them they're all really clever for getting his jokes, and sneering at everyone else.

[Nigredo]

He's become a bit tiresome over the last few years. Needs to retire that bit where he berates the audience's lack of intellectual curiosity because everyone in the room is on the level and hasn't blithely stumbled into the gig hoping to kill a few hours on a Saturday night with some tepid observational comedy.

His Content Provider show had an interesting kernel of an idea that he was trying to build upon, as in previous tours. I thought I was going to see a slow burning but well crafted set up and pay off of overthinking the mundane to an absurd degree. Instead it was vignettes ranting about the encroaching Idiocracy, from Brexiteers to the aforementioned bits on the audience and other stand up comedians.

Too on the nose, too predictable, too much like Grandpa Simpson yelling at clouds. Though he'll probably save some sort of face by saying his "art" reflects the fast-and-disposable trial by Twitter world we live in these days,

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... re-epstein

Marina Hyde on Prince Andrew and the Epstein case.

Not that I haven’t very much enjoyed the recent articles by gentlemen of a certain age who have FINALLY found a woman they care about in the long-running Epstein story. Unsurprisingly, perhaps – it’s the Queen! Here at last is a lady tangentially connected to the grimness whose honour and dignity actually matters, as opposed to those of the other ladies involved, whose tribulations they have at no point been interested in writing about.

Even Ghislaine Maxwell has elicited more sympathy in some quarters than the actual victims of Epstein.

In any case, what does Kevin Maxwell know about anything? Four-hundred million pounds was stolen from the pension funds of a business empire in which he was the second-most powerful person, and a fraud trial acquitted him of having a clue about it. So I think broadcasters can spare audiences his “insights” on anything else, ever again.

Swerving court via a loophole provided by one of the leading international paedos of the age … Well, if that isn’t staying classy, then I really don’t know what is.

[Malcolm Armsteen]

John is not impressed with Johnson, slightly more so with Sir Keir.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/20 ... -to-voters

The speech hadn’t been quite as polished as Starmer might have ideally liked but it had been more than a decent marker towards the next election. And it was certainly enough to spook the Tories into bringing forward the Downing Street press conference by a day. Boris couldn’t take the risk of Starmer grabbing all the headlines on the evening news bulletins. Or for Keir to be seen as the only leader working.

You could tell that Johnson didn’t really have anything new to say at the presser because he took an age saying it. That’s one of Boris’s most telling giveaways. His bullshit and waffle meters work perfectly in sync. Just about the only part of his government that does.

So what we got was a lot of hesitation, repetition and deviation. We have a prime minister whose only discernible current talent – other than as a party host – is to talk complete bollocks. His main message was that Omicron was very serious but not so serious for him to need to do much about it.

Like every left wing commenter Crace bangs on about Starmer having the union jack on stage with him - but look at the picture at the head of the article. The photo editor has chosen a shot that puts the flag centre and Starmer to one side, whereas in the broadcast Starmer was centre and the flag to his left, almost out of shot. That's how you manipulate using photographs, and it's unworthy of the Guardian to do it (as is their continued front-page coverage of the number of Tories signing a petition to strip Tonty Blair of his knighthood).

[Cyclist]

As usual, Mr Crace has got out a good'n.

Just one thing

He also promised to make Brexit work. Which could have been a little rash as no one has, as yet, come close to even the vaguest hint of how they intend to do that.

Not as daft as it sounds. Keir will probably do something radical that hasn't been thought of in the history of Brexit - sit down with the CBI, chambers of commerce, the NFU etc and ask what it is they actually need, keep it realistic please. Then it's off to Brussels and (politely) "Sorry about this. The Tories were just pissing around and have fucked everything up. What we need is this... Any chance of negotiating?

I believe the EU will say "Sure. Draw up a chair and let's have a chat"

What comes out of that won't be ideal, it is Brexit after all, but will be much better for the country than the bucket of pigshit that Johnson has tipped over us.

This is because Sir Keir is a reasonable man, an intelligent man, a serious man, and the EU as an entity already recognises the vast difference between him and Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

I am s firm believer that good things happen when reasonable people sit down to talk, and reasonable people have been in very short supply on our side of the Brexit negotiations since 2016.

[Malcolm Armsteen]

All of that.
And bitter experience has shown that there is not yet the popular appetite for rejoining the EU as such.

[Andy McDandy]

As we've repeatedly discussed, there was no clear vision of Brexit beyond "sovereignty" in 2016, and since then it was redefined successively as "whatever the EU offer, we don't want".

The EU knows that Britain isn't going to disappear. Better to have CU membership and free flow of traffic through the ports, and the majority of Brexit supporters will be happy.

[Nigredo]

John is not impressed with Johnson, slightly more so with Sir Keir.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/20 ... -to-voters

The speech hadn’t been quite as polished as Starmer might have ideally liked but it had been more than a decent marker towards the next election. And it was certainly enough to spook the Tories into bringing forward the Downing Street press conference by a day. Boris couldn’t take the risk of Starmer grabbing all the headlines on the evening news bulletins. Or for Keir to be seen as the only leader working.

You could tell that Johnson didn’t really have anything new to say at the presser because he took an age saying it. That’s one of Boris’s most telling giveaways. His bullshit and waffle meters work perfectly in sync. Just about the only part of his government that does.

So what we got was a lot of hesitation, repetition and deviation. We have a prime minister whose only discernible current talent – other than as a party host – is to talk complete bollocks. His main message was that Omicron was very serious but not so serious for him to need to do much about it.

Like every left wing commenter Crace bangs on about Starmer having the union jack on stage with him - but look at the picture at the head of the article. The photo editor has chosen a shot that puts the flag centre and Starmer to one side, whereas in the broadcast Starmer was centre and the flag to his left, almost out of shot. That's how you manipulate using photographs, and it's unworthy of the Guardian to do it (as is their continued front-page coverage of the number of Tories signing a petition to strip Tonty Blair of his knighthood).

Crace also ought to be cognizant of the three pillars of attack used by the righter side of the fourth estate which are:

• Labour Leader hates the flag

• Labour leader hates The Queen

• Labour leader hates the army

All 3 of which Magic Grandad gifted to his detractors.

Whether Starmer does patriotism out of sincerity or cynicism, somebody will find it distasteful but it's the rules of the game unfortunately. Operating on a different set of "principles" gets you the worst election result since 1935.

EDIT: formatting.

[Cyclist]

At the first PMQs of the year, faced with tough questioning by Labour’s deputy leader, the prime minister threw truth to the winds

https://amp.theguardian.com/politics/20 ... rom-rayner

John Crace on yesterday's PMQs.

[Andy McDandy]

Marina, make sense of all the rampant corruption please.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... is-johnson

Either way, the whole saga is certainly a great exhibition of British establishment accountability. After the Electoral Commission discovered these “accidentally withheld” WhatsApp messages in its own probe into the affair, Lord Geidt was forced to reopen his original investigation, but has now concluded once more that career liar Johnson did not intend to mislead. Or to put it in strictly procedural terms, his lordship has taken a second dive into the barrel of tits, and still come up sucking his thumb.

Still, like me, you probably cannot get enough of brilliant prime ministerial investigator Lord Geidt, whose ability to piece together highly complex cases such as “who paid for this £840 roll of wallpaper and why?” marks him out as one of the most fascinatingly unconventional detectives of the era. You’d stop just shy of comparing Geidt with Sherlock Holmes, perhaps – but in the decorative mystery of the Downing Street flat refurbishments, his lordship was certainly Ideal Holmes.

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... ing-public

Both barrels into the "smirking fibregless Toby jug". Hard to pick a stand-out, just read it. But anyway:

Did you or didn’t you go to a big party in your garden, you smirking fibreglass toby jug? Or do you also have to wait for some veteran civil servant to tell you whether or not you put your pants on the right way round this morning? Honestly mate, just MAN UP. Johnson’s turn as “prime minister” seems to have moved past the sarcastic air quotes phase. This feels a lot like government by the crazy-face emoji, tongue lolling out and one eye boggling bigger than the other. Any Tory MP who voted for this galaxy-class liar to become leader should remember they were wrong on probably the biggest call of their career, and consider resigning before the next election to go and work for a charity/arms dealer.

Speaking of manning up, I wonder if the organisers managed to find any ladies to attend this 20 May party? I mean, I’m not saying that people who do well under Johnson are mainly guys who spent a significant part of the past decade masturbating to Game of Thrones. No wait – I am. But one of my favourite things about the one Downing Street cheese-and-wine “work meeting” that we have an actual photo of is that the only two women I can see in it are Carrie Johnson and Gina Coladangelo. Remember, girls: if you want to work at the heart of government, you need to be either a man, or in a relationship with a man who does. If you can dream it, you can do it!

Back to the BYOB party, though – sorry, I know you need flashcards to keep your rule-breaking Downing Street pandemic bashes in order – which was organised by Johnson’s principal private secretary, Martin Reynolds. Apparently Reynolds now wants to get back to the diplomatic service, and perhaps the Middle East, and there is some talk about him being made an ambassador. You know, like when you or I break the rules and mess up spectacularly at work, and they make us an ambassador.

Two days after the May BYOB party, the story of Dominic Cummings’ rule-breaking trips to Durham and Barnard Castle broke, which you’d think would have given these people a lifelong unforgettable lesson in just how incandescent the public were about elite rule-breaking. (And yet, given all the Downing Street parties which followed that Christmas, they somehow forgot it.) But in May 2020, who could have predicted that a potential 100-person boozy gathering could piss the general public off? Who could have predicted that people who’d watched their family members die on an iPad then buried them with only permitted numbers of mourners at graveside funerals would have an issue with it? No one at the party, apparently.

[Malcolm Armsteen]

John Crace in flesh-ripping form today.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/20 ... -in-hiding

And not just Ellis and Johnson, Fabriquante gets his hare of the opprobrium for an appalling interview:

But the prize for real stupidity went to Tory backbencher Michael Fabricant. No one had asked him to help, obviously, because he’s a perennial liability. But he volunteered anyway. The party wasn’t a party, it was just a group of workmates having a party. Thud. The sound of one wig clapping. Boris was just bewildered to find so many people in his garden. Thud. They deserved a party because they had been working so hard. Thud. With friends like these...

Still, at least we got one answer. For years, people have wondered what the point of Micky F was. Now we knew. To make third-raters like Ellis look smart.

[Bones McCoy]

They're trying to spin it like one of those social media parties.

Mum and Dad are out, posh house in nice estate, stick an invite on facebook.
Thousands turn up uninvited, stuff wrecked / nicked - Parents knew nothing.

[Andy McDandy]

"Big boys did it..."