[davidjay]

When Keir Starmer first became Labour leader Johnson was always worried about being scrutinised by a lawyer at Question Time. If he was scared of Starmer questioning for 5 minutes a week he must be petrified about the prospect of two days of forensic questioning. Bluff and bluster really isn't going to cut the mustard.

And no Speaker to help or 300 guffawing idiots behind him.

[Andy McDandy]

He will try his usual tricks, they will mute his mic, and wait until he shuts up.

Parliament ought to try it.

[Bones McCoy]

The ultimate legacy of Boris Johnson - he wanted to invade the Netherlands.

Imagine the headlines;

SAS SAS SAS

[Bones McCoy]

It wouldn't have been the first failed Seige of Leiden

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Leiden

Haring en wittebrood for everybody!!

[Andy McDandy]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... e-minister

Marina on Johnson. Excellent.

According to all the people he’s leaked his witness statement to, Boris Johnson will tell the Covid inquiry not to pay much attention to WhatsApp messages on the basis that we can never know “the tone in which they were intended … Dark humour is lost or morphs into mockery.” Totally. Who among us can honestly say we are capable of parsing a WhatsApp message from Dominic Cummings dated 23 August 2020 that reads: “I also must stress I think leaving Hancock in post is a big mistake – he is a proven liar who nobody believes or shd believe on anything, and we face going into autumn crisis with the cunt in charge of NHS still.”

Does it help that Cummings has appeared before the inquiry and explained that this meant he was stressing that leaving Hancock in post was a big mistake, because he was a proven liar who nobody believed or should believe on anything, and that the UK faced going into an autumn Covid crisis with the … health secretary … in charge of the NHS still? No. No it doesn’t help. That could mean anything, right?

I can parse newspaper lingo, so you should know that “effectively blocked” means “did not actually block” – but that’s not important right now, because nothing saddens me more than batshit special forces operations that leaders never got to go through with.

It seems very odd to see think-pieces decrying the “hindsight” of the present moment, given that all the criticisms of the government of the day were said and written while it was happening, and by many people. This is the depressing non-revelation of the inquiry. Things reported and commented on contemporaneously, only to be flatly and aggressively denied by the government, turn out to have been true all along. The most significant hindsight currently at play is the type exhibited by those who have convinced themselves in hindsight that they would have been super-cool with thousands of people dying in streets and hospital car parks because there wasn’t any room for them.

Johnson still fails to understand that locking down earlier would probably have meant locking down for less time – or thinks he can butch out pretending to believe this. Then again, back when we were in the middle of it, the most unforgivable part of Covid was surely his administration’s apparent failure to learn a single thing for the second wave, so we had to do it the hard way all over again.

No other British public inquiry into anything, ever, has produced such an endless parade of supposed public servants slagging each other off so much, to achieve so shamefully little. WhatsApp messages and the like may give us a modern form of insight into their private thoughts, but the dysfunction and backbiting were not a function of the new technology. None of the diarists of ages and administrations past have ever given anything close to this impression of rats fighting in a sack, and being so very bad at it. This is the world Johnson made, and, with a few honourable exceptions, these were the inadequates he peopled it with.

Nail on head stuff.

[satnav]

According to the Independent Johnson is going to tell the inquiry his plans to deal with any future pandemic. I really hope that if he does take that particular route he is quickly muted.

[Crabcakes]

Look at his face during this absolute demolition job. Forced to listen to his own words, with no defence other than ‘it was what everyone was saying’. When quite clearly it wasn’t.

He loathes it, because it shows who he really is.

https://www.threads.net/@adambienkov/po ... M2MDRjNw==

[Youngian]

Just plain Mr Johnson, no Sir, Lord or even a bequeathed honoury title. He’s not even Boris anymore.

Sarah Vine’s either in a sarky mood or on the funny pills

[Andy McDandy]

It's the Mail line. She's just doing what they all are.

[Andy McDandy]

Closing the day’s evidence, Johnson addresses Lady Hallett. He reprises comments briefed out to journalists before he started giving evidence.

He tells the inquiry’s chair that, while it’s outside the scope of her work, he hopes she will be able to provide “some sort of prod to the world to get the answer to the real origins of Covid”.

Lady Hallett reminds him that that falls outside of her terms of reference. And that he was the person who set those terms.

Snark added by me for effect.

[Bones McCoy]

Just plain Mr Johnson, no Sir, Lord or even a bequeathed honoury title. He’s not even Boris anymore.

Sarah Vine’s either in a sarky mood or on the funny pills

Those pain killers are the real deal.

[Crabcakes]

Based on that tweet, I assume the small procedure was a lobotomy.

[satnav]

I thought may be she was recovering from having her nose surgically removed from up Johnson's arse.

[Tubby Isaacs]

Does anybody outside of her crowd of political hacks still think Bozo is bright?

[Andy McDandy]

He basically won at British journalism. Make shit up, get paid loads, play at running things, walk away, still get paid loads.

[Watchman]

Does the panel think he’s shagged her?

[davidjay]

I could be wrong but I do believe that his column is now behind a paywall.

[Dalem Lake]

Nah, you can still read it. Some shite about being allowed to burn xmas trees. I really don't think the Daily Mail was expecting this type of drivel week in, week out, when they forked out all that cash.

[Crabcakes]

Nah, you can still read it. Some shite about being allowed to burn xmas trees. I really don't think the Daily Mail was expecting this type of drivel week in, week out, when they forked out all that cash.

I have to admit, I’m finding it hilarious that they somehow thought a serial grifting slacker would make anything more than absolute minimal effort for them.

[kreuzberger]

Things to do after Christmas in the style of Boris Johnson

Ah, splendid! After the fantastic festivities of Christmas, it's time to embark on a jolly good list of activities to keep the spirit alive, just like the British Bulldog spirit, I say! Here's a list of things to do after Christmas, in the unmistakable style of Boris Johnson:

Boxing Day Blitz: Gather your chums and engage in a friendly Boxing Day blitz of games – from cricket on the lawn to a brisk game of Twister. The more eccentric, the better!

Christmas Leftovers Extravaganza: Transform your remaining Christmas turkey into a culinary masterpiece. I suggest a turkey and cranberry sauce sandwich, a quintessentially British delight!

Festive Bicycle Parade: Take a spin on your trusty bicycle and lead a festive parade through the local streets. Deck your bikes with tinsel and bells – bring cheer to the masses!

Snowman Diplomacy: If there's snow about, seize the opportunity for snowman diplomacy. Construct a snowman with an international flair – perhaps a top hat for diplomacy and a bow tie for charm.

Caroling in Parliament Square: Assemble a merry group of carolers and spread festive joy outside the Houses of Parliament. Encourage MPs to join in – after all, who can resist a good sing-song?

Quirky Holiday Traditions: Introduce your own eccentric holiday tradition, like a synchronized tea-drinking flash mob or a synchronized welly-wanging competition. Eccentricity is the key to success!

Twelfth Night Tea Party: Host a sophisticated Twelfth Night tea party with your closest allies. Don elegant attire, discuss Shakespearean plays, and sip tea like the refined gentlemen and ladies of yore.

Brexit Board Games Bonanza: Engage in a strategic Brexit-themed board game night. See who can navigate the twists and turns of negotiations to secure the best trade deals.

New Year's Resolutions Relay: Organize a relay race to symbolize the passing of the year. Each participant must carry a resolution written on a scroll, passing it on to the next with great determination.

Union Jack Snow Angels: Take a jaunt to the nearest snowy field and create Union Jack snow angels. It's a symbolic gesture of unity and national pride.

Remember, my friends, to embrace the spirit of optimism and camaraderie. Keep calm, carry on, and have a smashing time after Christmas!

Easy money, innit?