Mailwatch(ed) Forum

Yes, unbelievably, this farcical pantomime of let’s pretend high-powered business arsing about is still going and back for a new series of trying to flog menthol cheese down the market and then arguing about who to blame when it all goes tits up.

As usual, there is a rich crop of self-important gimps. Sixteen of them this year - take a shufti at https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/profil ... candidates

In my view, there are two prime contenders for most egregious wanker of the sixteen wankers : wanker di tutti wankero, if you will. They are :

Akshay Thakrar, who tells us:

My friends call me AK47 because I’m a killer salesperson.

and (the favourite, I think), the impressively twattish Alex Short, who, apparently straight faced, informs us that

I would compare myself to a Ferrari - shiny on the outside but under the bonnet there is a lot of fire, and I’m coming for you.

This is a real tv programme. Which spawned Katie Hopkinson, remember.

Why do they all look like they've got a stick up their arse?

Still, nice to see the usual range of entrepreneurial spirits, passing off flogging trolley tokens in an Asda car park as "being a marketing executive".

This show is a absolute piece of shit. The contestants, Sugar himself, they can all get in the bin.

And the bin can be set on fire.

And thrown in the sea.

At least Mrs Brown's Boys is intended to make people happy. (it fails, dismally, but compared to Sugar's amoral wankfest, it's Andre Previn and Grieg.)

The All New KevS wrote: ↑Wed Jan 05, 2022 9:45 am This show is a absolute piece of shit. The contestants, Sugar himself, they can all get in the bin.

And the bin can be set on fire.

And thrown in the sea.

At Mrs Brown's Boys is intended to make people happy. (it fails, dismally, but compared to Sugar's amoral wankfest, it's Andre Previn and Grieg.)

If we did put them all in the sea / B-ark etc, then:
a) Who would keep the economy running.
b) We could afford a decent pay rise for people who actually perform useful jobs.

If you answered mostly a .....

A lot of contestants have online stores. Navid Sole could always do a tribute artist act if he learns Silver Lady.

Abernathy wrote: ↑Tue Jan 04, 2022 11:12 pm Yes, unbelievably, this farcical pantomime of let’s pretend high-powered business arsing about is still going and back for a new series of trying to flog menthol cheese down the market and then arguing about who to blame when it all goes tits up.

As usual, there is a rich crop of self-important gimps. Sixteen of them this year - take a shufti at https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/profil ... candidates

In my view, there are two prime contenders for most egregious wanker of the sixteen wankers : wanker di tutti wankero, if you will. They are :

Akshay Thakrar, who tells us:

My friends call me AK47 because I’m a killer salesperson.

And also tells us:

Referring to himself as a man who believes sleeping is a “waste of time” and whose first word was 'profit'.

Someone should perhaps tell him that Wall Street wasn't a documentary.

I must admit it’s a guilty pleasure for me, simply to laugh at the total twats who don’t realise what total twats they are

The apprentice desperately needs a format change.

I suggest merging it with squid game.

They're either monstrously dumb or monstrously unoriginal in their self parody. Either way, monstrously dull.

My friends call me AK47 because I’m cheap, easily replaceable, and an utter weapon

Fixed it for him.

Well, they didn't disappoint. Episode 1 saw them trying to launch a cruise line with zero resources or experience.

Ladies went with "Bouji Cruises", which seems to be a mash up of bijou and boutique and resembled a floating hen party run by Sex & the City cosplayers. Gents went with - I'm not sure, but they had a logo that looked like a shit.

As ever, it was brought to you by Dunning and Kruger. "I read a thing about colour psychology", "Steven Spielberg doesn't have actors talking back to him", and other gems littered the episode.

What hit me though, as a (former) project manager, was the utter cluelessness of the team captains. Yes, I get that it's a competitive show and that as well as trying to win each task everyone is looking for a chance to shaft or stitch up their colleagues. But if you have a team of 8, including one with a background in marketing and another with experience in graphics (the two key threads in this week's task), you don't make one of them the overall project leader. You give them a sub-team, and have as PM someone whose main skill is communication and co-ordination.

For those of us who enjoy laughing at idiots, it's shaping up just fine. My money's on either exasperated but genuinely trying his best Hakim, or "I cannot believe I'm in a room with these cretins" Harpreet.

I honestly thought this went off air years ago.

Bouji - American slang, I believe from Bourgeois.

I may have heard it in Haarlem renaissance jazz / poetry, but honestly can't provide a concrete source.

The new catchphrases are shit

“You’re not furloughed you’re fired” which sort of allegedly puts him in the same bracket as Tim Martin.

You have to remember that "sugar" is a widely accepted alternative to a different word which is considered to be rather naughty. As in "Oh sugar! I've just spilled tea all over my keyboard".


Question:. Was "sugar" used in this context before Amstrad products hit the shelves?

It's a translation of German and Yiddish Zucker ('sugar') and a moniker for a well-built person. "Hasn't seen his cock in decades" in English.

Last night, design a toothbrush. Not just any old toothbrush, an all signing, all dancing one with an app! You know, for kids!

The ladies win again, by basically ignoring team leader's instructions and turning out to be really good at pitching and selling. Positive, upbeat, open to ideas. Bit concerned at the sidelining of the one team member with expertise on dealing with kids (Shama). She made several asides to the camera distancing herself from any potential fuck up.

The guys, following last week's turd debacle, designed a toothbrush that looked like a turd. And named after a bad smell. I'm beginning to suspect that they might be subtly taking the piss out of the entire process, and then they spoil it all by opening their mouths and confirming that they are that wanky. They go to sell it, and deliver a pitch that amounts to "Yeah, we know it's shit but what can you do?". Actually no, I'm even more convinced that this is some top level satire.

In the end, Sweetex had the choice of firing the useless team leader, the useless posh plank, or the ginger. So he went with the ginger.

Week 3 and 10 left, after Shama walked (as Tom Allen put it later, she never lost a task, never got hauled back in, and left with her head held high; therefore winner). This week it was non-alcoholic drinks. Not too bad, although posh boy who bleated on about having a vision was sadly not fired. Instead it was Guillermo from What We Do in the Shadows (aka Navid) who got booted for not doing anything. Although he was stitched up in the boardroom, and pointed out that the only skill on the show that matters is selling, as that's all the tasks are judged on. OK, you need a clear to understand metric, but it's a good point. Meanwhile Amy (the Yank who thinks she's creative) is rapidly becoming this year's most deluded fool, at least around these parts.

Andy McDandy wrote: ↑Fri Jan 21, 2022 8:32 am Week 3 and 10 left, after Shama walked (as Tom Allen put it later, she never lost a task, never got hauled back in, and left with her head held high; therefore winner). This week it was non-alcoholic drinks. Not too bad, although posh boy who bleated on about having a vision was sadly not fired. Instead it was Guillermo from What We Do in the Shadows (aka Navid) who got booted for not doing anything. Although he was stitched up in the boardroom, and pointed out that the only skill on the show that matters is selling, as that's all the tasks are judged on. OK, you need a clear to understand metric, but it's a good point. Meanwhile Amy (the Yank who thinks she's creative) is rapidly becoming this year's most deluded fool, at least around these parts.

Thank you for enduring it so we don't have to.

Last night’s was quite boring