Mailwatch(ed) Forum

MisterMuncher wrote: ↑Tue Jul 06, 2021 10:40 pm It breaks my heart to see a couple so obviously well matched split up. If these two shit-stains on the collective trunks of humanity can't bond in their shared inhumanity and wallow in the shared bliss of callous, nasty, hypocritical bile, what hope is there for any of us?

As my nan used to say, they'd spoil another couple.

davidjay wrote: ↑Thu Jul 08, 2021 6:12 pm

MisterMuncher wrote: ↑Tue Jul 06, 2021 10:40 pm It breaks my heart to see a couple so obviously well matched split up. If these two shit-stains on the collective trunks of humanity can't bond in their shared inhumanity and wallow in the shared bliss of callous, nasty, hypocritical bile, what hope is there for any of us?

As my nan used to say, they'd spoil another couple.

They'd spoil fresh milk.

Siri, show me a definition of “too much information”

Popbitch has it covered:

>> A house divided <<
Gove don't live here anymore

If you think we're going to use the news of the Gove/Vine divorce to do some sort of victory lap; a paper-thin excuse to trot out all our old stories of Gove's habit of giving a running commentary while he's shagging; his longstanding nickname "Donkey"; his unnerving habit of getting his knob out a long way away from the urinal in the gents and proudly parading up to the trough with it on full display – we won't.

They asked for privacy and we can't think of any good reason why a cabinet minister who was instrumental in writing up our social distancing rules and a journalist who makes a decent chunk of her living opining on the lives of others shouldn't get it.

>> Gove machine <<
Ready to lose your lunch?

Michael Gove has been playing a quiet and rather subdued role in the recent election campaign. But from what we hear, that’s a little out of character.

Someone who had the pleasure of knowing him before he met his wife says that Gove was very vocal in bed. He didn’t like a single one of his sexual policies to go unexplained – narrating and describing everything that he was doing, and everything that he planned to do…

>> Gove machine <<
Got that big Mick energy

Michael Gove has been known among certain parliamentary colleagues as “Donkey” for years now (on account of the way that he is supposedly hung) but that nickname is clearly a little too ‘thinky’ for some of the journalists covering the current leadership race.

They’ve plumped for a different nickname. The altogether less subtle “Big Dick Mick”.

>> Dick tales <<
Taking the long way round

Here’s a story that’ll make you wish that GDPR rules had automatically unsubscribed us:

Journalists who have had the misfortune of using the toilets at the same time as Michael Gove say that he is so proud of his own dick that he unzips it an unnervingly long way away from the urinal, taking something of a catwalk up to the trough with it out; then takes a disproportionately long time to tuck it all back in while making his way over to the sinks.

Imagine the bitterness; being blessed with a huge cock but simultaneously having a boat like a botoxed scrotum. No wonder he's a fucking sociopath.

I believe Lloyd Weber also falls into the same category

Rod Hull likewise.

He wasn't called Rod for nothing.

The description I remember - whether I want to or not - is from someone who once walked uninvited into his dressing room, and described him as "crawling around on all fives".

Luckily Emu had a deep throat.

Youngian wrote: ↑Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:44 pm Luckily Emu had a deep throat.

Thank you for that.

Brexit revolution eats its children. Gove has had enough of ignoramuses.

That's about the first thing he's said since Cummings went off the reservation, isn't it?

Victoria Coren wrote a good column once taking the piss out of Amanda Platell. Take something in the news and try to guess whether Amanda loves it or hates it. It wasn't easy to guess which. I feel like that when I read about vaccine passports. My money would have been on the usual suspects saying what Gove is saying, with a dash of "fucking young people could kill us". How wrong I would have been.

Tubby Isaacs wrote: ↑Tue Jul 27, 2021 8:37 pm That's about the first thing he's said since Cummings went off the reservation, isn't it?

Victoria Coren wrote a good column once taking the piss out of Amanda Platell. Take something in the news and try to guess whether Amanda loves it or hates it. It wasn't easy to guess which. I feel like that when I read about vaccine passports. My money would have been on the usual suspects saying what Gove is saying, with a dash of "fucking young people could kill us". How wrong I would have been.

That rules out Right Said Fred as the new boyfriend.

Tubby Isaacs wrote: ↑Tue Jul 27, 2021 8:37 pm That's about the first thing he's said since Cummings went off the reservation, isn't it?

Victoria Coren wrote a good column once taking the piss out of Amanda Platell. Take something in the news and try to guess whether Amanda loves it or hates it. It wasn't easy to guess which. I feel like that when I read about vaccine passports. My money would have been on the usual suspects saying what Gove is saying, with a dash of "fucking young people could kill us". How wrong I would have been.

Does sound like a surprising direction the more you ponder it. Even the ERG are at it. Can't see no nonsense Tory pensioners having much sympathy with this vaccine passport whining. 'Kids today wouldn't last five minutes if Hitler landed.' Brexit hardman Steve Baker (MP for Remainer High Wycombe) has already turned into a consensus namby pamby. He might get it in the neck from pensioners now as well. We can only hope.

Youngian wrote: ↑Wed Jul 28, 2021 2:28 pm
Does sound like a surprising direction the more you ponder it. Even the ERG are at it. Can't see no nonsense Tory pensioners having much sympathy with this vaccine passport whining. 'Kids today wouldn't last five minutes if Hitler landed.' Brexit hardman Steve Baker (MP for Remainer High Wycombe) has already turned into a consensus namby pamby. He might get it in the neck from pensioners now as well. We can only hope.

11.8% of High Wycombe is British-Pakistani. Has Baker discovered Kashmir yet?

I have to say I find myself agreeing with Gove to an extent there's an element of selfishness to not taking up the vaccine.

Of course. The problem with this is that advertising works on an emotional and positive level rather than a literal one.

Hence, we say "washes whiter", rather than "even shifts all that menstrual blood."

Granted, this is not something which will be troubling the new Gove household, allegedly.

I always thought that was 'gets the skidmarks out of your pants'.

And Gove is a walking skidmark.

Malcolm Armsteen wrote: ↑Thu Jul 29, 2021 10:30 pm I always thought that was 'gets the skidmarks out of your pants'.

And Gove is a walking skidmark.

Getting close to "Shot an elephant in my pyjamas" territory.