[Abernathy]

Goodness, what a beautiful piece of writing. Stefanie Green is a marvellous, compassionate, humane, and admirably rational woman. Power to her elbow. Thanks for posting, Crabs.

[davidjay]

Goodness, what a beautiful piece of writing. Stefanie Green is a marvellous, compassionate, humane, and admirably rational woman. Power to her elbow. Thanks for posting, Crabs.

It is, she is and it's also hard reading.

[Malcolm Armsteen]

No-one should ever be in the position of wanting a loved one dead.

My mother begged me to kill her to end her pain. Didn’t fancy a long sentence in chokey so didn't even contemplate the idea. I was a selfish prick making it all about me by not ending my mum's suffering.

I'm wrestling with the belief that wanting her to slip away is about what's best for me.

Don't let yourself go there. A dignified end is best for her, you are a participant but not a beneficiary. All things must pass.
I fervently hope that her journey ends peacefully and you can find resolution. But never feel guilty.

[davidjay]

Please don't think I'm in any way ungrateful for the support you're all giving, which is of immeasurable comfort, but the one thing I'm learning more than anything is that it's been easy in the past for me to give dispassionate advice but it's bloody hard now I'm directly affected.

[Abernathy]

Please don't think I'm in any way ungrateful for the support you're all giving, which is of immeasurable comfort, but the one thing I'm learning more than anything is that it's been easy in the past for me to give dispassionate advice but it's bloody hard now I'm directly affected.

I’m hoping that doesn’t imply that you’re finding it hard to take value from the dispassionate advice that Malcolm, Crabs and co. are offering. You’re quite right that you can only truly understand something if you have experienced (or are experiencing) it, but others do have experience of your situation, in one way or another. I have too, but for me it’s actually quite difficult to offer dispassionate advice to others.

[davidjay]

I'm eternally grateful for everything that's being said. The way in which my situation is a bit different is that my mum's pain is mental rather than physical. I don't know what she's really thinking (even in her prime she never did stoic, bless her) and I don't know if she might get better. I think it's these unknowns that are the worst part for me.

[Abernathy]

Alas, David, dementia doesn’t get better. It just gets worse. One of Mrs A’s oldest friends was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s about 18 months ago at the age of 63, and though she only sees her now about once a month, it’s possible to track her slow, but steady, decline. So that’s one unknown you may be able safely to rule out.